As I’ve been making this website, I’ve questioned several times whether I should use ‘victim’ or ‘survivor’ and what the meanings of these words represent to me, to society and to you guys reading this as individuals. This is also largely influenced by a recent conversation with a friend, she said “I don’t want to be a victim”, and again comes that question of what does a victim mean to you?
In psychology and mental health this is a widely debated topic, what should we call people who have been through something or seek access to something? Victims, survivors, service users? Do we say they ‘suffered’ or they ‘experienced’?
The answer I believe is personal preference but let’s delve into it.
Typically, people believe that the word ‘victim’ is perceived as someone being weak and feeble, and ‘survivor’ is seen as strong and tough. You’ll may notice that I interchange these two words throughout the website, much like ‘suffered’ or ‘experienced’ because to me, they mean the same thing.
The actual definition of ‘victim’ is “a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action”
For people who have experienced abuse, can you say that that definition is not true? We are harmed and injured physically, emotionally, and psychologically, some of us are killed, that is a fact. So, what could be bad about admitting that? Misplaced blame perhaps plays a part in this, as if we blame ourselves for our experiences then maybe we feel we shouldn’t be victims. Perhaps the embarrassment so commonly felt that we somehow ‘allowed’ another person/person’s to abuse us means we can’t be a victim because people have sympathy for victims and maybe we feel as though we don’t deserve that? Maybe we don’t want to be seen as weak or feeble.
The definition of survivor (or one of, I’ve chosen the most appropriate) is “a person who copes with a bad situation or affliction and who gets through, or a person who manages to live through a situation that often causes death”
I bet you are automatically reading that and thinking that a ‘survivor’ is a stronger position to be in than a victim, right? But they both basically mean the same thing. The survivor definition indicates that person has been through something terrible, and so does the victim definition. In the case of domestic abuse, we know that even if someone is killed and labelled a victim, it’s very likely that they did in fact survive that abuse for a significant amount of time. So really, they are one and the same and we are both. Some organizations and people even used the term victim-survivor and perhaps that is why.
Being a victim of domestic abuse doesn’t mean you are weak; it means that you have suffered at the hands of another through absolutely no choice of your own, and I would go as far as to say it means that you are in fact one of the toughest individuals. Being a victim of and surviving physical, emotional, financial or sexual abuse is actually something to be proud of because that shit cuts deep through your soul. Every day that you are alive and functioning through that and after that, is simply incredible.
For me I am not ashamed to call myself a victim of domestic abuse. Yes, I was controlled, yes, I was coerced, yes, I was financially, verbally and emotional abused and I was physically assaulted by a man on hundreds of occasions, and you know what? I am so damn proud coz' I’m still here honey.
I am too also a proud survivor of domestic abuse.
Song for every blog... (it's an old tradition, if you know you know ;) )
This blogs song is "Survivor" by Destiny's Child, because what else could it be?
After all of the darkness and sadness
Soon comes happiness
If I surround myself with positive things
I'll gain prosperity
I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
I'm not gon' stop
I'm gon' work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
And keep on survivin'
Until next time x
Comments