What is refuge and how can it help you? Is it really that scary? Here’s the ins and outs.
What is Refuge?
Refuges are safe houses that take in victims of abuse and/or their children, to provide emergency accommodation. There are refuges available for men, women, and trans men and women, though there are significantly fewer available for men/trans men/women and their children at the time of writing (2024).
Can I take my children?
Most refuges for females will accept children up to the age of 16; however, many have an age limit for male children, which will vary with each independent refuge.
How does it work?
You can be referred to a refuge by many professionals, including social workers, police, IDVAs/ISVAs, and DACs (see professionals involved section). You can also contact organizations and self-refer (see support section). You’ll speak directly with the refuge and you will be assessed; this will require you to share some personal details about your situation. If your referral is accepted, your arrival will be discussed. Addresses are often given last minute, and you are asked not to disclose this with anyone, including your friends and family. This is not only for your safety but for all residents and staff. It’s common for many emergency services in that area to not know the location; it is kept that secure.
How long does it take to get into Refuge?
This will greatly depend on availability, which changes every day, and the speed of application. Some refuges are able to take you on the same day; some may take longer. In my personal experience, I had to wait 1 week.
Will I be moved away from home?
Most likely, yes. It is not advised for you to remain in the same area because you could be seen; most organizations would prefer you to move to another county for this reason. Spaces in refuges are limited, so you may be required to move far from home in order to obtain one, but you may have a choice too; again, this depends on availability.
What can I expect?
Usually, you (and your children) are provided with your own room, and then you share other facilities with other residents. This includes bathrooms, kitchens, and washing machines, etc. Some refuges have gardens, playrooms, and living rooms, all of which are also shared. Many have on-site staff, and it's likely you'll be given a support worker. They can assist you in seeking permanent housing, making a plan to safely return to your home, offering emotional support, and helping you to access other support services.
Do I have to pay for Refuge?
There is rent to pay in a refuge, yes, but this can be covered by the local authority with housing benefit. There may be a small weekly service charge that you will need to pay yourself. If you were receiving housing benefit (or any subsequent help for rent within your benefits) for the property from which you have fled, this can still be covered for up to one year in case you wish to return to your property. Refuge staff will assist you in applying.
There are rules within the refuge that you must adhere to, which will usually include no visitors, no alcohol/drugs, and bedtimes for children. You will likely be provided with a P.O. box address for post and some rules on leaving the refuge. You will be required to stay there for a large percentage of the time, though often you can leave for a night or two (again, this varies).
How long will I be there for?
This really depends; the purpose of refuge is to keep you safe temporarily. This may be until you can find new accommodation, or you may decide to return to your home if it is safe to do so. You may wish to apply for protection orders such as an occupation order (see protection orders) in order to return home. In my experience, I was there for 8 months, and I would say the average length of stay while I was there in terms of being rehoused by the local authority was 6-10 months. As always, this will vary greatly depending on the area in which you wish to be housed. Many of them now have a 3 month limit and this is usually to encourage the local authoritys to take responsibility.
Please note, you should not be penalized for leaving your home or making yourself ‘intentionally homeless’. This does not apply if you have fled your home because it is unsafe, so make sure you fight this if it happens. Any local authority within the UK, regardless of your connections, has a legal obligation and duty to house you when domestic abuse is present.
Can I take my pet?
Unfortunately, not in most cases, but there are charities and organizations that can look after your pet for you; see the 'support' section.
Refuges are very secure, and although it is a scary move to make, it is a chance for a fresh start. For me personally, it was the best decision I could have made.
If you are considering Refuge but are worried, you can take a look at the blog for my personal experience.