How it manifests in abusive relationships and beyond...
Stalking and harassment can occur during a relationship and after.
Stalking is designed to monitor you. Harassment is designed to wear you down. And both of them are designed to scare you. As with most tactics used by abusers, this is all about gaining control of you, and we all know they love a bit of control.
There are several types of stalkers, but seeing as this is a DA website, we will look at abusers who stalk.
Firstly, let's look at the definitions.
Stalking is fixated, obsessive, unwanted, and repeated behaviour that makes you feel pestered and harassed. It includes behaviour that happens two or more times, directed at or towards you by another person, which causes you to feel alarmed or distressed or to fear violence might be used against you.
(https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/stalking-or-harassment)
Harassment is behaviour intended to cause a person alarm or distress. The behaviour must occur on more than one occasion, but it does not have to be the same kind of behaviour on each occasion.
(https://www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/outlines/harassment-and-stalking/)
But what does it look like?
Harassment
Constant and unwanted calls/texts/emails/letters or any other form of social media contact
Making threats to harm
Showing up unwanted/unplanned
Sending unwanted gifts
Encouraging a third party to do any of the above
Stalking
Using cameras in or out of your property
Following you or turning up at places you are unexpectedly
Monitoring your phone/location
Tracking your vehicle
Following or hacking your mobile devices/social media/bank accounts
Spying on you
Asking a third party to do any of the above
These tactics are used within abusive relationships to control you. Stalking can leave you feeling on edge constantly, and harassment exhausts you. Both are suffocating.
This type of behaviour often escalates if the abuser feels they are losing control, particularly if you are trying to leave or have recently escaped. It can go on for weeks, months, and sometimes years. Even if they know they have no way of getting you back, it is a way for them to stay relevant in your life because abusers love attention.
Here are some of my top tips for keeping yourself safe
Try to have written evidence of telling the perpetrator you do not wish for contact (this is needed for harassment charges)
Change your phone number and all passwords for your social media/emails/bank accounts/apps
Turn off your location services (particularly on social media as pictures can show locations)
Set all social media to private or create new ones
Have your property/vehicles scanned for tracking devices
Let services/organisations/schools/GP that you use know not to share your address or contact details (if unknown)
Invest in cameras for your property
Use safety apps such as Holly Guard
Keep all doors locked inside, including car doors when in the vehicle
I also suggest you keep a log of any incidents, even if you are not sure they are relevant. They can aid as evidence in the future should you wish to seek police action.